Navi is Annoying
by shadow djinni
Summary: Post OOT, oneshot. Link and Sheik are bored. So, what do they do? Tame monsters and make them fight to the death! Link, of course, has a little backup in case his monster fails. Sheik and Zelda are separate people, Sheik is a guy.


**A/N: This idea popped up while I was grounded, so I wrote it down. I couldn't help it, boredom made me crazy!**

Link sat by the shore of Lake Hylia with his close friend, Sheik. He had defeated Ganondorf a few months previously and had been bored ever since. Without a leader, most of the monsters were too cowardly to attack anyone. This left Link, for lack of a better term, unemployed. What was the use of a hero if there was nothing to fight? Sighing with boredom, he prepared to ride back to the partially rebuilt Castle Town. Just as Link got up, his Sheikah companion grabbed his attention.

"Hey, Link," said Sheik.

"What?" replied the hero.

"I was thinking," Sheik mused, "If we could get a moblin to fight a lizafos, which do you think would win?" Link snorted with laughter.

"The moblin, duh. It has a spear, while lizafos only have natural weapons."

"Hmm. Well if you're so convinced, I'll go get a lizafos, you get a moblin, and we make them fight each other. If my monster wins, you pay me twenty rupees. If yours wins, I pay you twenty. Deal?" Link grinned.

"Deal."

Link saddled up on Epona and rode off for Faron Woods, while Sheik tossed a Deku nut on the ground and, in characteristic Sheik fashion, vanished.

Hours later, both young men returned with their monsters. Both were scraped, battered, and half of Sheik's cowl was burned away. Link drew a circle on the ground, and they shoved their monsters into it. Link laughed, already savoring victory.

"You'd better have twenty rupees, Sheikah boy, 'cause my moblin's going to kick your lizafos's tail up between its shoulders." The Sheikah just grinned.

"Wait and see, Fairy Boy, wait and see."

Link commanded his monster to attack first. "Moblin! Use Spear Charge!" The moblin dashed at the lizafos, which jumped out of the way.

"Lizafos! Use Taunt!" The lizafos made an incredibly obnoxious and rude noise at the moblin, which swayed and looked dizzy. Taking advantage, Sheik yelled, "Lizafos, use Tail Whip!" The reptilian monster leapt at the moblin, whipping its tail and slapping the larger beast. The moblin recovered after being tail-slapped a few times.

"Moblin, keep using Spear Charge!"

"Lizafos, use Taunt and Tail Whip!"

The monsters struggled with each other for at least an hour, with both teens hollering encouragement and hurling abuse at each other. Eventually, Princess Zelda came out of Castle Town to find where her hero and Sheikah companion had vanished off to. She found them cussing each other out from either side of an earthen ring, with their monsters fighting in the middle.

"What in Hyrule is going on here?!" Link bit off his next volley of naughty language and turned to look at the confused princess.

"Well, Sheik bet me twenty rupees that a lizafos could beat a moblin in a fight, so we're seeing if it's true." Zelda sighed in exasperation, but sat down to watch the fight anyway.

Half an hour later, the moblin collapsed and burst into smoke and ash under a steady hail of tail-slaps. Link groaned in disappointment and Sheik cheered in triumph. Zelda chuckled and said to the hero, "Looks like you owe Sheik twenty rupees, Link." Link sighed and reached into his pouch for his wallet, but his fingertips brushed Navi instead. The green-clad hero grinned wickedly and pulled the blue fairy from the pouch.

"Navi!" he yelled. The fairy jerked awake. "Use Annoying!" Navi flew out of Link's hand and began hovering around the lizafos.

"Hey! Listen! Hello! Watch out! Over here!" The fairy flew circles around the poor lizafos's head, shouting in her obnoxiously high-pitched voice. After a minute, the lizafos's left eye began twitching. Raising a claw, it stabbed itself in the chest and burst into smoke. Sheik looked crestfallen. But Link wasn't done yet.

"Navi, use Annoying…on Sheik!" The Sheikah's face whitened and he began backing away, but it was too late. Navi rocketed toward Sheik, shrilling out her ear-splitting warnings.

"Hey! Listen! Over here! Watch out! Hello! Look! Listen!" The unfortunate Sheikah put both hands over his ears in a futile attempt to block out the fairy's obnoxious cries. A minute ticked by with agonizing slowness. Then two. Three. Four. After nearly ten minutes of Navi's relentless barrage, Sheik finally snapped.

"I can't take it! Make this thing shut up!" Navi did not stop. "Hey, LISTEN!"

Sheik fainted. Zelda looked stunned and a little horrified. Link grinned, pleased with his work. He started to walk away, but a hand grabbing his shoulder stopped him.

"What the heck, Link? How could you do that to poor Sheik?! He didn't deserve to have Navi murder his ears!" Link grinned.

"In conclusion," the hero said, "Lizafos may beat moblins, but Navi beats everything." The princess rolled her eyes.

"You may have proved your point, Link," she said, "But you're carrying Sheik back to Castle Town."

**A/N: yes, it is a bit Pokemon-esque. Navi makes me want to bash my head in.**


End file.
